Fecal Incontinence: How to Avoid a Shitty Trip

By Jody Hanson

There is nothing like the fear of not getting to the toilet on an airplane to make the would-be traveler stay at home. Calm down. The situation is controllable.

Before the flight:

Book an aisle seat as close to the toilet as possible. This is not rocket science as you don't want to have to get by two people to escape from your seat. The closer you are the better the chances of making it on time.

Pre-order a vegetarian meal. Why vegetarian? Airplane food can sometimes be enough to spark a bowel movement. Other meals include vegan, Japanese, and Kocher. It also means that you will get your food before the other passengers. The timing means that you can head for the loo before the masses do after their meals.

Pack extra adult "briefs," wipes, and a change of underwear in your carry-on. "Diapers" is apparently no longer a politically correct term. These items are no good to you in your checked luggage so keep them within reach.

Read the Mayo Clinic literature. These proactive measures can help you control your bowels. The advice includes watching your diet, exercises, and documenting your food intake.

Decide if you want to take an anti-anxiety pill. Popping a diazepam/Valium may give you "false" security, but if it helps you have less of a fear of having an accident it may be worth the risk. Discuss the issue with a physician.

Select over-the-counter medicines as a just-in-case option. Included on this list are Pepto-Bismol, loperamide, or bismuth. Those who want to be even more confident can opt for prescription medicines.

On the Plane:

Talk to the flight attendant. Don't be shy, just explain that you have a problem. Hey, do you think they haven't heard it all before? That way if all the toilets are in use and there is a line-up, they will escort you to the facility in business or first-class even if you are flying economy.

Keep hydrated. Drink enough water as planes are notorious for zero humidity and you don't want to get dehydrated. Avoid alcohol, soft drinks, coffee, and other irritating beverages. That said, you don't want to guzzle enough water to make you go every 15 minutes.

Go to the toilet even if you don't think you have to. That may sound strange, but sometimes just being there is enough to provoke a reaction.

Realize that an accident is not the end of the world. Yes, it is embarrassing, but it isn't fatal. If people stare, just quietly smile. There are likely more passengers who will be sympathetic than not. And remember that once you are through customs you will likely never see them again.